Previous Chapter: Inquiring Minds Want to Know
“What does it mean to be in love?” I ask Tessa.
We’re lying on the bed side-by-side, resting post coitus. She levers herself up and leans on her elbow to look at me.
“What’s prompted that question?”
“You.”
She gets a look of smug satisfaction on her face.
“In what regard?”
“Isabel, naturally.”
Looking quite self-satisfied, she sits up cross-legged. I push the pillows behind me and sit up as well.
“Love is wanting to be with someone all the time. Love is feeling like something’s missing when you’re apart.”
As I consider her statement, she peers at me.
“Do you want to be with her?”
“Sure! Even though it’s been years, I still think about her a lot and sometimes I even feel like I catch her scent. I blame all that on you, though. I feel sure I’d have moved on if it weren’t for your continued updates.”
“Do you feel like something’s missing being apart?”
I think about this for a while
“Yeah, I guess.”
My equivocation is greeted with a frown.
“You miss her, yet you seem fine without her. Perhaps you’re not in love after all.”
“I think about you at least as often, you know.”
“This is about Isabel. She’s also wishy-washy when I have this conversation.”
She said she keeps Isabel updated with my goings-on, but I didn’t think it went to such depths.
“So you aren’t sure she loves me?”
“Oh no, I’m sure. I’m not sure she realizes it yet.”
“And am I in the same boat?”
“I’m less sure about you, your ability to compartment things is so strong.”
I lean my head back and stare at the ceiling. Do my feelings change knowing that Isabel might love me? I think back to when Isabel and I talked about this. We didn’t really settle anything; our futures seem to be on divergent paths. When I bring that aspect up, Tessa looks frustrated and our conversation drifts onto more “safe” topics.
Though Tessa always keeps me up-to-date with Isabel and her goings-on, I only once did I get an image of her. Through our discussions, I knew Tessa is an amateur photographer. As the state-of-the-art shifted from film to digital, she kept pace. It seems she specializes in nature scenes, but at least one time took a portrait of Isabel. They were at some beach and Tessa got a picture of Isabel in a bikini. The sun is behind the camera and the background is an azure sea. There is the blue sky, with a few fluffy clouds, and just a small strip of beach where Isabel is walking. The wind caught Isabel’s hair, flaring it out to her side. The sun glistening on her skin, shiny from sweat and tanning lotion. Her tan offset by the white cloth of her suit. Isabel’s assets are amazingly well presented: her narrow waist, her amazing thighs and curves, her excellent breasts, firm arms, beautiful face; the picture is amazing. I have a blow-up of it printed from a high-quality printer and have it framed in my main house. I’ve resisted the urge to keep copies on my various electronic equipment, in case they were to fall in the wrong hands, but when I’m home, I enjoy drinking in that vision of loveliness. Tessa told me that day she’d been surreptitiously taking pictures of Isabel (who doesn’t like to have pictures taken, particularly scantily clad) the whole day, but this one was the only one that really looked good. Well, I think it looks way beyond “really good!”